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Thread: You've never been to Butlins unless...

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    Pushbutton Guest

    Default You've never been to Butlins unless...

    (Originally posted by...BERNUD)
    -Your family and friends are confused to find you have a false door and windows attached to the front of your house, but the real ones are on the side wall.
    - If you see electricity pylons at the side of a road you get extremely excited, but you can't understand why there are no chairlifts on the cables! Then you decide they must be "closed due to inclement weather".
    - You honestly believe that by holding on to your hat and closing your eyes for a few seconds you can magically travel into another world!
    - If one of your neighbours moves out, you ask them "are you coming again next season?"
    - You refuse to go to work on Wednesdays because, of course, it's Donkey Derby Day!
    - When filling in forms, you write your address in the format: LETTER, NUMBER, CAMP COLOUR.
    - On the way to work, you always listen to your CDs of Tarzan Boy (baltimora), There Must Be An Angel (Eurithmics), and Hands Up (Ottowan), which makes the ride really exciting!
    - You cannot pass a public phone without checking the coin return box for loose change someone may have left behind!
    - You have your home extended, and cannot get the builder to understand that you want the ceiling to be made of fabric, not plasterboard!
    - Whenever you are in a lift, you hope that it DOES break down between floors.
    - You go to your local funfair, and expect all the rides to be free of charge.

    (Originally posted by...GOLDEN GRILL)
    -You expect to be woken up at 2 o'clock in the morning by someone walking up a metal staircase in stilettos.
    -Every time you look through a window, you expect to see legs, veruca shoes and plasters.
    -You disguise your drainpipes with fibreglass soldiers
    -You know why the end terrace in your street has all the windows boarded up, has a constant "hum" coming from it, constantly spurts steaming hot water from the overflow pipes and has a sign on the door saying "No Admittance"
    -You think you're posher than everyone else because you live in a flatlet.
    -You decide to hang your washing out the front of your house - on a makeshift line tied to the storm porch.
    -All your neighbours wonder why they've installed uPVC windows and you've gone for louvres.

    (Originally posted by...BERNUD)
    - You proudly wear your "I learnt to swim at Butlins" badge on your work uniform or suit.
    - You detest Saturday mornings, and wish it was Monday again!
    - You think "Gaiety" is a great name for a theatre complex, and you can't understand why anyone would disagree.
    - Your family pet is a dog called "Slush Puppy".
    - Each day you search through your newspaper trying to find out what time your dinner will be served.
    - When shopping for things like kettles, bedding or baby's prams, you tell the shop assistant you will bring it back at the end of the week, and you're surprised when she asks you to pay full price.
    -You still think a "Video" is a female time-travelling robot!
    - During your lunch break, instead of eating lunch, you suck on your toffee dummy, which is the same one you've had since 1982, and it's still not getting any smaller!
    - As far as you're concerned, any adult you don't know is your aunty or uncle, and all children are called "Thingy".
    - Whenever you have a visitor you can't resist putting green foaming sugar lumps in their coffee!
    - On your resume and in job applications, under the heading "professional associations or union memberships" it says: "Started in Beavers, later qualified for membership of 913".
    - You curl up your lip!

    (Originally posted by...DEAN)
    -You wear your house keys around your neck on a string
    -You only eat butter from plastic individual portions
    -You watch a football match and find yourself shouting for Kent house.
    -All your crockery is pale blue and it matches your bathroom suite
    -The heater in your bedroom is a one bar electric fire mounted high on the wall with a pull cord to turn it on and off (and you love the smell as it warms up)
    -Your car is painted bright blue and primrose yellow with 'puffing billy' written on the front
    -You have a redifusion black and white tv that has a coin operated slot in the back....but you never watch it!

    (Originally posted by...GOLDEN GRILL)
    -You spend hours in British Home Stores' lighting department looking for a circular fluorescent tube for the light in your lounge/ diner
    -Whenever you pick up a key-ring, you put it up to your eye in case it had a photograph inside.
    -You NEVER walk on carpet barefoot, "just in case!"

    - (Originally posted by...JOHN TANNOY)
    -If you break a table tennis ball, you always hand it back with the bit thats pushed in facing downwards.
    -Whenever you visit a snooker hall, you always keep the chalk.
    -You need a another holiday to recover from your holiday.

    (Originally posted by...VECSEC)
    -You run to the shower block to make sure you get some hot water.
    -You ride the Funfair during one of the dinner sittings shoter wait for the rides
    -You go to the old folks ballroom to giggle at the old time dancers.

    (Originally posted by...BERNUD)
    -You insist that your boss provides you and your family with Breakfast and dinner because you are half-board (or was that bored?)
    -If you loose your house keys, you're not in the least bit concerned, becuase you know that ANY key will open your front door. If that fails, you can always get another one from reception, right?
    -You still know the names of every 1980s TV wrestler.
    -You refer to your lounge as "the princes building"
    -You know every trick ( what've you got, you've got the Push Button Click!)

    (Originally posted by...DEAN)
    -You have 20 organge pvc arm chairs with wooden arms in your living room, all facing the window. with a sign up that says 'Quiet lounge'
    -Your bedroom carpet is loeprad skin flotex
    -You film the family all week then show the results on a Friday
    -There is a foot missing from the top and bottom of your toilet door (with beware limbo dancers written on it)

    (Originally posted by...BERNUD)
    -You'd never spend more than a week's wages on a week's holiday!
    -You can't stand caravans!
    -Number 1 on your list of enemies is either Rank or Haven!
    -You wish you were an asylum seeker in Mosney!
    -You've ever wanted to change your name to Billy!
    -Your favourite animals are beavers.
    -As a special treat once a year, you and your family sleep in your shed for a week, beacuse it's as close as you can get to a chalet!

    (Originally posted by...DAVE)
    -You have woken up in the middle of the night thinking oh no I need the loo and then having to walk along the chalet lines wearing pyjamas and a coat while heading for the toilet block.

    (Originally posted by...CHR)
    -Your electrical items are all powered by a two pin plug which operates from a shaver socket.
    -On all of your mirrors and doors you have a notice which says "in the event of an fire, please raise the alarm"
    -Above light switches you have stickers saying either "Save it" or "Switch off something"
    -You don't have a babysitter, just leave the kids indoors alone and wait for a baby crying message to be flashed.
    -You save any leftover bread from mealtimes to go and feed the ducks
    -When you go out to watch a cabaret show, you wait to be served a meal in a basket or a plastic box
    -You like the smell of damp towels because they remind you of something
    -If someone has their meals at a later time than you, you feel sorry for them because they must be on 2nd sitting
    -You expect housepoints for every achievement
    -You think all parquet floors should be swept with damp sand
    -You can't understand why "Changing Rooms" doesn't feature a room with one small rug on a bare tiled floor, iron framed beds with candlewick bedspreads and circular glass light fittings filled with dead flies
    -Before taking a bath you spend half an hour bleaching and disinfecting it and still can't remove the brown/green limescale stain under the tap.
    -You wrap bacofoil around the water pipe because it makes drying the clothes easier
    -You hate change of any kind either to buildings or routine unless it is in the old spirit of things
    -You cover your ceiling with plastic vines, parrots and little plaques saying things like "you don't have to be mad to work here but it helps" and "my house is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy"

    (Originally posted by...JOKER UK)
    -You have green and brown Manor Ware ornaments all over the house!

    (Orinially posted by...Pushbutton)
    - You keep asking at your local off-license for a 6-pack of SKOL and a packet of John Player Special, even though you don't like either of them!
    - You and your neighbours across the road have agreed to have your drainpipes connected together and re-positioned so that they go horizontally across the street!
    - You've literally searched the whole world and spent thousands of pounds trying to find a holiday that's nowhere near as good as one you can get in your own country for 36 pounds!!!

    (Originally posted by...GoldenGrill)
    You then decide to disguise some of the pipes, with thousands of metallic disks advertising
    S K O L.

    (Originally posted by...Pushbutton)
    - You never wear a red jacket for fear of being forcibly thrown into a swimming pool.
    -Your normal excuse for being late to work is: "I didn't hear the wakey wakey call over the tannoy".
    - You keep getting arrested for not paying the fare on public transport!
    - You truly appreciate the wonders of leaking pipes!
    - You always applaud whenever anyone breaks anything!
    -You consider a cheap plastic hat printed with the union jack all over it to be normal everyday dress!
    - If you are at high altitide (eg, in a lift at the top floor or in an aircraft) you have an overwhelming urge to shout "Hi de hi" to complete strangers, AND YOU EXPECT A POLITE RESPONSE!
    -At a job interview, you were once asked about your greatest personal achievements, and replied that in June of 1985 your knees were amongst the knobbliest in Britain!

    (Originaly posted by...TANNOY)
    -You connect the hoover up to your dustbin and call it Porky the Paper Eater.
    -After leaving a theatre, you run round to the main entrance again for the repeat showing.
    -On your skiing holiday, when you get to the mountain top you say 'straight round please' and travel to the bottom again.
    -Whenever you see a Security guard approaching, you pretend you're 18 or dive for cover.
    -While at the seaside, you can't understand why there's no fence and lockable gate.
    -You never have fish for breakfast, although it is always available as an alternative.

    (Originally posted by...Pushbutton)
    -Your weekly grocery shopping includes several dozen plates (to replace the ones you delibertely broke the previous week), far more sweets, chocolates etc. than you could ever eat, plastic novelty hats, stupid "jokes" like stink bombs, fake cigarettes, foaming sugar lumps, dehydrated snakes and blood capsules (because you never know when they might come in handy), and you ask the checkout operator for lots of 2p and 1p coins in change!

    (Originally posted by...JOHN)
    -When you go to a theatre, you never occupy the front two rows until 5 minutes before the show starts.
    -You've blacked out the windows in the room where you keep your TV set.
    -You think sitting in the Quiet Lounge is a waste of good funfair time.
    -You have a plaster of paris tree in your lounge.

    (Originally posted by...Pushbutton)
    - If you see a blue van approaching, you run for your life! (if you don't know why, see the post called "The Van" on this forum)
    - You don't like school.

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